


The Tale of the Flying Dwarf

by Sarina_Hawke_Theirin



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Origins, Dragon Age: Origins - Awakening
Genre: Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-29
Updated: 2014-09-29
Packaged: 2018-02-19 05:29:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,420
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2376506
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sarina_Hawke_Theirin/pseuds/Sarina_Hawke_Theirin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Anders is tired of Oghren's rude comments, so he decides to teach him a lesson. Set during DA:Origins Awakening</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Tale of the Flying Dwarf

**Author's Note:**

> Bioware owns all.

"So why do the Grey Wardens keep horses if they never use them?" Anders grumbled aloud as he and the other two new recruits followed the Warden Commander, Solona Amell, to the city of Amaranthine.

Not even bothering to glance back at her charges, Solona replied over her shoulder, "Stop whining, Anders. The horses are used for working the land and pulling carts, not for bearing Wardens. Besides, Amaranthine isn't that far away. It's just a good stretch of the legs."

"A good stretch of the legs, my giddy aunt's ass," the mage muttered under his breath.

Anders almost wished he had stretched that morning before they left. He was accustomed to walking everywhere, but keeping up with Solona was proving to be more difficult than he expected. Sure she was eleven years his junior, but still, how in the bloody hell did she manage to move so quickly? It was almost as if she were gliding across the countryside.

The sound of heavy footfalls next to him caught Anders' attention and he turned his head to observe Oghren running alongside him, keeping the pace rather nicely. Being nearly six and a half feet tall gave the mage the advantage of having long legs. He couldn't begin to imagine how Oghren was doing it. He stared down at the smaller man in awe for a few moments.

The dwarf sneered up at him before stopping dead in his tracks. "What?" He asked, eyeing the mage suspiciously.

Anders tried to play it off as if he hadn't been gawking. "What, what?"

"You were staring at me, ya manskirt-wearin' freak."

 _Well that was rather offensive,_ thought Anders. He reached up and ran a hand across his blonde ponytail before giving a frown. "Forgive me. For a moment there I thought you were being attacked by a wild animal, but it was only your beard."

Oghren narrowed his eyes as he glared at the tall man. "Think yer clever, don't ya Sparkle-fingers?"

Anders smirked. "Yes, actually, I do. I'm also charming, not to mention devastatingly handsome."

"Well save that shit for the ladies," the dwarf growled. "My axe don't swing that way, pretty boy."

The mage rolled his eyes and crossed his arms. "Why does everyone I meet automatically assume that I'm gay?"

Oghren chuckled. "Maybe it's the ponytail and the earring…but it's probably the dress."

Anders shook his head. "Dwarves," he harrumphed.

The two men were so caught up in their conversation they failed to notice the Commander had doubled back to retrieve them. "Okay ladies," she snarked. "If you're finished arguing over who's the prettiest, would you mind getting your asses back to work?"

Anders flashed his most charismatic smile. In return, she arched a brow as if to say, "You can't possibly be serious," before turning around and trudging back up the hill. As he watched her swaying hips, he was reminded of their last night at the tower together which caused a lascivious grin to spread across his lips. Suddenly, his thoughts were interrupted by Nathaniel's hand pushing his shoulder to get him to move forward.

Anders waved the rogue away with a perturbed frown. "Alright, alright, I'm going. No need to get physical."

"Just hurry up, mage," the dark haired rogue huffed.

As Anders began walking again, he knew he had to exact his revenge on the dwarf for embarrassing him, and it took him only minutes to formulate a plan.

"So...Oghren," he began. "I always thought dwarves wouldn't come to the surface because they were afraid of falling into the sky."

"Yeah, I use to believe that shit," Oghren admitted, not bothering to stop or even slow down his pace. "But I've been on the surface a while. If it hasn't happened yet, I figure it ain't gonna."

Anders feigned a look of concern. "Didn't anyone tell you?"

The dwarf eyed him warily. "Tell me what princess?"

The mage cringed. He hated being called that. He sucked in a quick breath, trying to hide his annoyance. "Oh dear," he said as he waggled his head with false concern. "I hate to be the bearer of bad news, my short, smelly friend, but the reason those stories exist among dwarves is because there are places in Thedas where the atmosphere is thinner than others. The compact size of your people makes them more susceptible to being pulled into the sky because there's not enough of them to keep them on the ground in those places."

"How come this is the first I've heard of it?" Oghren growled, his eyes betraying the fact that he was beginning to worry Anders might be on to something.

"Probably because no one wanted to worry you needlessly. After all, there aren't very many of those places in Ferelden. I wouldn't fret over it too much. I mean, it hasn't happened so far. Maybe it won't happen at all. I just thought you should know."

Oghren threw his hands into the air. "Blah! You're as full of shit as a nug pen," he barked before stomping away from Anders in exasperation.

Another twenty minutes passed before the mage muttered a force spell under his breath which he directed at Oghren's feet. The dwarf lifted just a few inches into the air and touched back down to the ground almost immediately.

"What the…?" he bellowed, the first signs of true panic coloring his face.

Anders eyed the dwarf questioningly. "Is something wrong, Oghren?"

"No…why would you think something was wrong?" he growled.

"I don't know, you just look like something's bothering you."

Oghren puffed out his chest. "Tell ya what princess, you'll be the first to know if I ever turn into a woman and get the uncontrollable urge to share my feelings."

Anders shrugged innocently. "Just trying to help."

"Sodding girly man." Oghren mumbled under his breath.

Twenty minutes later, Anders repeated the same spell and once again the dwarf became panicked. He kept his mouth shut, but glared back at Anders who was pretending to be lost in observing the clouds above his head.

By the time they were a mile out of Amaranthine, Anders had pulled the same trick at least a half dozen times. As for Oghren, the dwarf had his weapon at the ready with a crazed look in his eyes as he jumped at the slightest noise. At that point, it was all Anders could do to keep a straight face. More than once, Solona asked Oghren what was wrong, but he refused to say anything about what he was experiencing .

The Commander was several feet ahead of them when Anders decided to make his move. Oghren was just coming to a large tree when Anders began muttering another spell, but this time instead of lifting the dwarf a few inches, it picked him up and hurtled him toward the sky with rapid speed.

Oghren, with his gruff voice and manly persona shrieked like a little girl as he started grabbing at twigs and branches on his way up. By the time he got a solid hold on the trunk he was sobbing and begging for someone to save him. Anders couldn't hold it in any longer, he fell to the ground laughing with tears streaming down his face.

Solona heard Oghren's cries and raced back, staff drawn, trying to find the child who was in trouble. Instead, she found the dwarf in the top of the tree hanging on for dear life and weeping like a babe. The commander spent the next two hours bellowing at the squat man in an effort to get him down. After finally assuring the dwarf she would personally catch him if he began to fall, and with the aid of a huge block levitated up for him to hold onto, Solona finally managed to coax Oghren out of that tree. Anders had laughed so hard his sides ached, and even Nathaniel found it difficult to maintain his usual stoic demeanor.

It was well after nightfall before the group of Wardens finally entered the city gates. Once they were within the walls, Solona pulled Anders aside and spent nearly half an hour reprimanding him. He was given two weeks' worth of extra duty and made to apologize to Oghren, but it had most definitely been worth it.

"So what the hell were you thinking anyway, Anders?" Solona questioned over drinks at the tavern.

Anders shrugged before glaring at the dwarf. "Let's just say, I don't like being called Princess."


End file.
